Destruction of the Ego
By Vasudev, Murthy
Author, Founder, Animal Activist, Music Teacher
Bangalore, India
Vasudev Murthy is an IITian from Roorkee with an MS from Florida State University, USA. He has experience at NEC America, AT&T, Deloitte & Touche, and Wipro Consulting. At present he runs his own firm Focal Concepts since 2013 in Management Consulting and Leadership Training. He is author of 8 books (Classical Music, Proposal Writing, Crime, Short Stories, Humour, Organization Theory & Practice, Yoga) by Rupa, Bloomsbury, HarperCollins, Jaico, Poisoned Pen Press, and Sage respectively. He is an animal welfare activist, a violinist and a music teacher as well. He regularly conducts workshops as well.
Introduction by Venkat
Ego can be understood in two ways. The first way is to look at it as a system that makes self-identification possible. The entire Prakruti (Mother Nature), our universe is said to be a representation of this identification as it was born from the desire of the universal spirit to know itself (thereby self-identify). All material forms including living beings are an encapsulated expression of this spirit with the presence of the system of self-identification at their individual level. This self-identification is essential for survival at the physical, mental as well as social levels in order to meet physical needs and balance with the rest of the Prakruti. Yet, when the underpinning presence of Atman / universal spirit is excluded, one gets attached to this self-identification and this manifests as various negative emotions as the so framed ‘deadly sins’. This expression of negativity is the second way ego is understood in common parlance.
Vasudev, an established author and a man of varied talents, conveys the subtle aspects of ego through a beautiful story. The way he ends it is deep and impactful. Indeed the awareness of the universal spirit brings meaning and peace in what we otherwise consider as meaningless.
Editorial Support: Viniba M Chenniappan
Destruction of the Ego
As the evening prayers at the monastery came to a close, the monks slowly opened their eyes to return to the present. The serene silence within spoke of great peace. The incense wafted across the large prayer hall and high up to the ceilings, calming the senses of the monks and the ordinary men and women who had come to meditate and find solace. Slowly, everyone dispersed, without the slightest sound. An old man, about sixty-five, wearing nondescript clothes, stood up and walked across to where the Head Monk sat. He prostrated and sat with his thighs on his calves, resting on his knees and toes. He placed his hands on his knees, his eyes respectfully on the ground. After five minutes, the Head Monk opened his eyes and spoke softly.
“Speak, what can we do for you?”
“I wish to suppress and destroy my ego completely,” the man replied.
“I see,” said the Head Monk.
After another five minutes, the man spoke. “I have lived a full life. I have fame, power, and money. I have children and grandchildren. I have a loving devoted wife. I now wish to prepare for death.”
“Have you known grief?”
“Perhaps much less than most people.”
“Without experiencing grief, it is not possible to destroy your ego. Experience it, and then return.”
The man withdrew respectfully. He returned after several months.
“Well?” he was asked.
“Yes, I have experienced grief. My grandchildren died. And so did my wife.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes, I lost my entire fortune.”
“Very good.”
“I seek knowledge and strength to cope with my losses.”
After a long silence, the Head Monk said, “Your ego still exists. You are still worried about your own well-being. Work for the happiness of others without expecting to be observed and praised, without expecting recognition. Work in darkness where you will not be seen performing good deeds.”
The man withdrew respectfully. He gave away his clothes to the first beggar he met. He handed over his wallet to his driver and asked him to take away the car. He walked for several days to a city far away where he was sure that no one would know him. There he worked in the slums, doing anything he possibly could to help anyone who needed it. He cleaned toilets, slept on pavements, and ate only if he was offered anything by anyone. He moved unclaimed dead bodies to the crematorium and performed their last rites. He hugged dying dogs and comforted them till they died. He fed rats. He washed his body only when it rained. Disgust went away when he lived in filth. With disgust went away the fear of the unknown. Shame left him too. His own sorrow crept away from him as he attended to the miseries of others. After several months he returned to the Monastery.
“Can I now conquer my ego?” he asked the Head Monk.
“The very fact you asked that question tells me you still have an ego and wish for something for yourself. Think about it and come back after six months,” said the Head Monk.
The old man respectfully withdrew again and walked away slowly to a completely different town. There, he continued doing what he had been doing earlier. He cut down on his needs even further. He ate next to nothing and even that, only at night, when no one was watching and could have no chance to feed him out of pity. He ate only if his eating would help someone else. Whatever he found or was given he gave away immediately and left before he could be thanked, because that would have caressed his ego. When asked his name, he did not answer but turned and walked away. He stopped talking because words are an expression of the self – either a longing or a question needing an answer or an opinion signifying individuality or a response indicating existence. He covered his eyes, because to see would be to invite thought and comparison. He blocked his ears to prevent himself from responding or being swayed by laughter or cries of misery. He worshipped dogs and stones and prayed that the egos of others be erased. He no longer knew who he was.
At the end of six months, the monks waited for the old man to come to them for advice. No one came. After a few days, the monks conferred and arrived at a decision. They divined the location of the old man. Then they shut down the monastery and walked in a slow silent procession to the city where he lived. They found him living in a filthy ditch surrounded by rats in the middle of a stinking, noisy, busy street. He did not acknowledge the respectful greetings from the Head Monk. All the monks sat down in the muck on the road and the Head Monk then prostrated himself at the feet of the old man. “Please teach us how to eliminate our egos.” In answer, the old man got up and walked away. To teach was to imply greater knowledge. Such awareness would revive his ego. He was no longer interested.
By Vasudev, Murthy
Author, Founder, Animal Activist, Music Teacher
Bangalore, India